Dealing with Shy Children

Don't push a shy kid too hard. Learn to build his trust and confidence.

Source: Photo by Ernst Vikne/Flickr

Shy people are often misunderstood. Shyness is often seen as a defect in personality. Parents who have shy kids tend to push them too hard in order for them to become more outgoing. Of course, they do not have any bad intentions for their kids. They just think that being more outgoing will make their kids grow up to become successful adults. However, dealing with these kids requires a lot of patience. Some might shut themselves off when pushed beyond their limits. I have even seen children who refuse to speak to strangers, teachers, classmates, relatives or neighbours except to the immediate family. When this happens, shyness might become a hindrance to the child’s well-being.

A parent, teacher, or any other authoritative figure should have an understanding of shyness when dealing with these types of children. Shyness is a quality. It is not something to be frowned upon. What is important is that the shy person knows how to handle this quality and put it to good use. In fact, a shy person could become highly observant, cautious, reflective, and sensitive to other people’s emotions, to name just a few of the many good characteristics a shy person could possess. The list could go on endlessly. Of course, too much shyness is never good. Just as too much outgoingness is also bad.

I am a shy person since birth. And I have to admit, growing up as a shy person is tough. I might be a bit lucky than my western counterparts, as my culture loves girls who are quiet, diligent, studious, and modest. I had even become a teacher’s pet and my conduct was always an A. But that is not always the case. Many teachers too do not like shy students. Moreover, life outside the classroom was even more unforgiving to a shy person like me. Even with the pros and cons of my personality, I had been wired to dislike myself. My shyness is always seen as a defect. And authoritative figures had always pushed me to be the outgoing type. As I grow older, I learned to embrace my whole personality. In fact, being shy has added a mystery to my being.

When dealing with shy children, allow them learn at their own pace. Pushing them too hard won’t do the trick. Here are some of my suggestions to parents, teachers, or authority figures who are faced with shy children:

Avoid name calling and ridiculing a shy child.

Source: Photo by by timparkinson/Flickr

• Do not brand them as shy or abnormally quiet beings. Even if those descriptions were true, children do not like to be called such. Those terms always have some negative effects on them. They will feel that you are only frustrated and displeased by their temperament.
• Do not laugh at their mistakes. Shy kids are overly conscious of other people’s thoughts. Laughing at their mistakes would only make them more apprehensive of the task at hand. Acknowledge the mistakes, but do not ridicule them. By acting properly in the face of their mistakes, they’ll learn that mistakes are okay and the more likely they are to learn from these errors.
• Be more forgiving to their verbal skills. Most shy children tend to have soft voices. Do not intimidate them by asking them to speak over and over again until they say the words loud. Practice doesn’t make their voice louder. It’s the shyness that keeps them from speaking loud and clear. Without intimidating them too much, they will tend to loosen up a bit and become more comfortable with you.
• Appreciate the little effort they make. Some tasks, especially social tasks (such as reciting in class), require more effort by shy kids. When they are able to do those tasks, acknowledge their effort. This way, you are building their confidence.

Remember, you should seek balance between not pushing them too hard and encouraging them to go outside their comfort zone. Being too forceful would only lead them to avoid situations at extreme measures just to avoid the humiliation. Never show displeasure at their shyness. By accepting them for who they are and by learning how to deal with it will enable them to achieve confidence and trust.